Lurch, trip, stabilize, lurch, grab the wall, onward. Pat the bouncer on the shoulder, good chap, in we go. Balance on a rail, check the bar, queue too large. Wander one way, ugly women, too many men. Keep walking. Girl ahead, chatted her up earlier, what’s her name? Best be out, she’s spotted me. What was her thing? She’s nearly on me now. Teeth, that was it. Horrible, like a mis-stepping cancan troop. Oh bugger, she’s here now, off we go.
Better out here, bit sweaty in there. What now? Too early to go home, too pumped, yes, pumped up, which is another way to say drunk, too drunk to go home yet it’s only… what’s this, a text, didn’t notice you, ah, right chappy, we’re coming, stay right where you are.
Where is he now? He’s not here. Bugger. What did his text say? Yes, this is the right place. Best text him. Where … are … you… Well that’s close enough, send, no, send. He’ll know what I mean. Bar. Bugger. Queues everywhere. Stay here then. Into the breach then. Blonde.
‘How’s it going?’
‘Have you noticed how everyone in here’s foreign?’
‘No, I know we’re abroad.’ Seems a bit dim. ‘What’s that you’ve got? Local? Go on, share one. Are you sure? Thanks very much. I gave up yesterday.’
Glancing at your friends? Time to move on.
‘Nice meeting you, thanks for the fag.’ Kiss, kiss, hug, away. Thick as two planks. Is that him? Nope, local chappy. Right, on we go. Bit crowded in here. Where is everyone? Didn’t I tell them to come here? Or somewhere. Well. Ah. Vodka coke. Vodka coke. Vodka coke? Vodka coke. Here he comes, cash ready, wait, what do I want?
‘Urrrrrrm’ What’s he got next to me. ‘Beer’ No, wait, hate beer, ‘No, wait’ Well I’ve ordered it now, ‘never mind, yeah, beer. Seems expensive. Horrible.
Who’s this?
‘How’s it going?’
Danger, red alert. Prostitute. Let’s get out of here. Okay take a cigarette first. Maybe I should sit down, she’s offering. No. On we go, ‘Goodbye’ no kiss, too expensive, what about the AIDs, on we go now. Look at this guy. ‘Love the hat’. Well he was unfriendly. Oop here we are, dance floor, on we go, women in this country dance worse than me, feeling good, ‘hey there’. Bit rude. Turn my back, forget her, on with the fun. ‘Hello.’
Another pro. Retreat? Well, I’m here now. Look how she’s moving, big tits, grinding ass, sexy, dancing’s free right. Beer finished, thank god for that. Put it down? Drop it, easier. Little kick, someone else’s problem. Have a nice trip! Now come here, grind against me, turn around, here we go, fuck it, open your mouth, bit of tongue, eyes closed now, stroke my back, not there, stop that, not in here. People everywhere. Feels good though. Fine, keep going. Yep, in there, go on, don’t play around just grab it. Wait. Three hands? Eyes open now, someone’s patting my shoulder, ah, there you are. Got my text then. Leave? You’re probably right.
‘See ya’. She looks pissed. She’ll find another. Out we go. Taxi. Fumble fumble, here’s my wallet, fumble fumble here’s my hotel card. Oh that’s right, better put my wallet in my pocket, not the floor. Funny I forgot about that. Thanks.
‘Good night then?’
‘Good. Yeah, great time. Pulled a hooker at the end. She was quite fit.’ Yeah you saw, but I’m feeling good. What’s that look?
‘What?’ That quizzical look. Stop laughing. Stop it. What’s going on?
‘Stop laughing’. Come on spit it out, what’s so funny?
‘Yes, I’m sure that was a woman.’ Wasn’t it?
‘Lady-what?’
